I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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