By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
