come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
