SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
