do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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