so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
