We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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