4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
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