Moan for me like Helen Keller
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it because I queefed?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He felt like a one man threesome
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
