Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
