Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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