i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
