If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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