I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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