I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
