THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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