On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
