idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
