Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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