Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
