they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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