I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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