i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
