so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
