porn star boner night. come get it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
