i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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