so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
