you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
