I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
