Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
