so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
