i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
