New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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