i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
