I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
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Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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