I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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