umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
