Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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