I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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