I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
