Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
