i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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