Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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