Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
