when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
