I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dicks are not precious.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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