He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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