i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
