If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
