we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
