We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
