wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
