I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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