dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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