Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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