I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
