Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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