dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
