i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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