My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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