I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
