I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
