How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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