Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
