So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it's like heaven, but drunker
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
