So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
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we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
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Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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