You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
